GRIEVING THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS

GRIEF HAS ITS OWN CALENDAR.

 

Holidays have a way of reminding us who, or what, is missing. It may be the empty chair at Thanksgiving, one less stocking at Christmas, a familiar voice missing from the birthday song, or a family tradition that suddenly feels completely different because someone you love is no longer there.

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And holiday grief isn’t limited to the national, familiar holidays. It can be the first birthday, anniversary, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, first day of school, graduation, wedding, or family vacation without someone who should have been there. Sometimes it is an ordinary date on the calendar that means nothing to anyone else but everything to you. Grief has its own calendar, and sometimes we begin dreading those dates long before they arrive.

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WHEN YOU CAN’T FIND THE JOY

One of the hardest parts of grieving during holidays and celebrations is watching the rest of the world seem so incredibly happy when you simply aren’t. The music is playing, families are gathering, invitations are arriving, and everyone is telling you to enjoy yourself, while you may be struggling just to get through the day.

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You can be grateful for everyone sitting around your table and still ache for the person who isn’t there. You can laugh one minute and cry the next. You can skip the party, change the tradition, take the trip, stay home, make their favorite recipe, say their name, or decide you don’t want to do any of it this year.

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There is no right way to do a holiday while you are grieving.

And there is no rule that says you have to find the joy before you are ready.

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FROM GET REAL ABOUT™ GRIEF

[EXCERPT FROM GRIEVING THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS CHAPTER coming soon]

Excerpted from GET REAL ABOUT™ GRIEF by Jennifer Barrette

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THE HOLIDAYS MAY CHANGE. SO WILL YOU.

The firsts can be especially difficult, but grief doesn’t disappear when the first year ends. A song, a smell, an ornament, a photograph, or an old tradition can bring someone rushing back into your heart years later.

You are allowed to keep the traditions that comfort you, change the ones that hurt, and create new ones as your life changes.

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And when laughter eventually finds its way back around the table, let it. Feeling joy does not mean you have forgotten. You do not have to choose between remembering the person or life you lost and embracing the life that is still here.

There is room for both.