There is no easy way to lose

someone you love.

A parent. A child. A spouse or partner. A sibling. A grandparent. A best friend. The person you

called when something wonderful happened or when you simply needed someone who understood.

When they die, we don’t just lose a person. We lose their place in our everyday lives. Their voice.

Their laugh. Their terrible jokes. The birthday phone call. The chair they always sat in. The recipe

nobody thought to write down. The text you almost send before remembering they aren’t there

to answer it. And somehow, the world keeps moving. Groceries still need to be bought.

Emails still arrive. The dog still wants dinner. Someone inevitably forgets a password.

Meanwhile, your world has changed.

ONE WORD. SO MANY DIFFERENT KINDS OF HEARTBREAK.

While interviewing people for this book, I quickly realized I couldn’t simply write one chapter called “Losing Someone You Love” and pretend it could hold every kind of loss. So I didn’t.

I created separate chapters for losing a parent, a child, a spouse or partner, a sibling, and a friend because each of these relationships occupies a different place in our lives, and losing them can change us in very different ways.

When you lose a parent, you may feel as though part of your foundation has disappeared. Even when you’re grown, there can be something strangely disorienting about becoming the generation left behind.
When you lose a child, the natural order of life feels shattered. You are grieving not only the person you love, but birthdays, milestones, possibilities, and a future you expected to watch unfold.
When you lose a spouse or partner, you may lose the person woven into the smallest details of your day and the future you assumed you would share.
When you lose a sibling, you may lose one of the few people who knew where you came from, who remembers the same childhood stories and can tell you when your version of one is completely wrong.
And when you lose a friend, the depth of that grief can sometimes surprise other people. But friendship can be one of the great loves of our lives. Losing the person who chose to walk beside you can leave an enormous space behind.

Different relationships.

Different stories.

Different grief.

Yet, all of it real.

THERE IS NO HIERARCHY OF HEARTBREAK

We don’t need to compare losses to make them matter. And we certainly don’t need to defend why someone mattered to us.

Grief is shaped by love, history, circumstances, unfinished conversations, complicated relationships, memories, regrets, and a thousand tiny things nobody else may ever fully understand.

Sometimes we miss the person.

Sometimes we miss who we were when we were with them.

Usually, we miss both.

And sometimes the relationship wasn’t easy. You can love someone and be angry with them. You can miss them and feel relief. You can grieve what you had while also grieving everything you wished the relationship could have been.

There is room for all of that here.