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WHAT TO SAY. AND WHAT NOT TO SAY.
When someone we care about is grieving, we often want to say something that will make things better, but grief isn’t something we can fix with the perfect sentence.
You don’t need profound words. You don’t need answers. You simply need to acknowledge their loss, show up with compassion, and let them know they don’t have to carry it alone.
WHAT TO SAY
“I’m so sorry.”
Simple is often enough.
“I’m here for you.”
And then keep showing up.
“I don’t know what to say, but I’m here.”
Honesty can be comforting.
“Tell me about them.”
Give them permission to say their loved one’s name and share their stories.
“I was thinking about you today.”
Especially weeks or months later, when everyone else may have stopped checking in.
“Can I bring dinner on Tuesday?”
Specific help can be easier to accept than “Let me know if you need anything.”
WHAT NOT TO SAY
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“Everything happens for a reason.”
They may not need a reason. They may simply need you.
“At least they lived a long life.”
A long life doesn’t make someone easier to lose.
“They’re in a better place.”
Even when well intended, this may not reflect the grieving person’s beliefs or what they need to hear.
“You need to be strong.”
Grieving people shouldn’t have to perform strength for everyone else.
“It’s time to move on.”
There is no universal timeline for grief.
“I know exactly how you feel.”
Even when you have experienced a similar loss, their relationship and their grief are uniquely theirs.
SOMETIMES THE BEST THING TO SAY IS SIMPLY, “I’M HERE.”
In GET REAL ABOUT™ GRIEF, I go much deeper into what grieving people told me helped, what didn’t, the words they still remember years later, and the things they desperately wished people had understood.
Because supporting someone through grief isn’t about saying everything perfectly. It’s about caring enough to stay.